I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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