so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
