booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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