She announced her abortion via fbk
someone owes me an orgasm
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
