Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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