whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
