So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
