dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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