Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
