and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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