Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
