Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
