You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
