I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
