People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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