I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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