I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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