That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
