I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
