We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
