just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Another day, another engagement, another cat
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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