Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
