1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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