I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
