I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
