Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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