yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
