She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
