Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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