Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
