I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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