my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
