is your mom at the bar?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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