Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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