Me too!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
