Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
