i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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