turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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