he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
