I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
