either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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