Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
false alarm. still invincible.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
