I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
