We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
