Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize