He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
