Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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