dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
