Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
