My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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