Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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