mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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