You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
