You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
