wakey wakey hands off snakey
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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