maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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