Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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