i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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