The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
