He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
