Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
