Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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