is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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