Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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