hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
