i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
