The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
