So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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