so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
