i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize