Already got asked if we're dating
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
