I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
