i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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